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I was thrilled to discover Death of a Wrecker, by Emylia Hall, available for immediate reading in NetGalley. For those unfamiliar, NetGalley is a website that allows writers and publishers to provide free ARCs to readers in the hope of a good review.

Death of a Wrecker is the seventh book in the Shell House Detectives series, which follows former police officer Jayden and his elderly friend Ally as they form a private detective company to solve murders in their small corner of Cornwall. I feel a bit mean when describing Ally as elderly but she is around 80 and despite being very spry, her age does occasionally mean she needs to take more care.

Ally’s husband used to be the lead police officer of fictional Porthpella, which explains her interest in sleuthing. Porthpella is a very picturesque sounding village in Cornwall. Many scenes take place in real parts of Cornwall and I imagine the books do wonders for local tourism. Wrecker mentions local artist Alfred Wallis and his grave near Tate St Ives. I looked it up and it is gorgeous, well worth a visit if I’m ever down that way.

For those of you who have read the previous books, here’s where the characters are up to in their lives:

Ally and Ray have split, which is good because Gus still loves her. Saffron is finally developing feelings for Mullins, who of course loves her, even if he hasn’t quite realised it. Skinner might become one of the gang. Wenna is still being criminally underused. Jayden is just ticking along and I still don’t quite like Cat, but I don’t know why. I love Jasmine and Benji though.

Ok, for those who didn’t read the spoiler, all our favourite characters are back, no one has their love lives sorted (alright, Jayden does) and if you like reading about kids, there’s two cuties to enjoy.

A short prologue starts with a gold ring being found and I enjoyed the distinct echoes of Gollum in Lord of the Rings. I love a prologue, which I know is controversial but I think in a mystery novel it adds an extra layer of intrigue. Then by the end of Chapter One we have a dead body, a diver who dies after a boat trip with three men on a research trip. One of the men is an author. The police don’t think the death is suspicious, which disappoints Ally as she happens to be present when the body is brought in and thinks there is something off about the three men. Then Ally and Jayden get asked to investigate a man suspected of cheating on his fiancee. Now this wouldn’t normally excite them, except the potential cheater is one of the three men, and the fiancee’s Dad is another of the men. Could it have been murder after all?

After a steady drip drip of clues, including some intriguing chapters written from each of the men’s point of view, we have a second death. This really changes things up. The case starts to encroach on Mullins’ personal life. More time with Mullins is always good, I have a real soft spot for this character. The second death is of a man so odious even Ally and Jayden start to wonder if they want to solve the case.

This is where I encountered a problem. I’ve decided not to spoil things for the readers, but the direction the case takes was triggering for me. Emylia Hall does not use trigger warnings, which I don’t love, and her novels are fairly cosy. Wrecker is a lot bleaker than usual by the end, and I did struggle. It is still a wonderful book, but I urge readers to prepare themselves.

Hall’s writing is beautiful, especially when setting a scene. Reviewing a book forces me to read slower and so I can appreciate details I might have missed. I also realised that the plotting is more skilled than I had realised. Apart from a slightly too convenient knack for being in the right place at the right time, Ally and Jayden do solid detective work. The clues don’t just fall into their lap and their theories aren’t based on huge leaps of deduction, but instead actual logic and research.

Despite the bittersweet end, Wrecker is an excellent addition to the series. I’m more than ready for book 8, when hopefully certain romances will blossom. A solid and deserved 4 out of 5 stars.

Please click here to order Death of a Wrecker.

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A book of two halves: Reviewing The Quest for Lennox Levane, by Laura Jones
Book cover

Confession: I was tired this week and did not initially give this book the attention it deserves. There may be a certain level of grumpiness that comes through in the beginning of this review, which is my fault, not the author’s. As always, my ARC of The Quest for Lennox Levane was provided for free by the author.

Here’s the blurb:

For her entire life, Reyna has been shunned by her village for her magic, something she never wanted to have. She has heard that the goddesses in the Blue Forest make deals, and after her mother dies under mysterious circumstances, she is desperate to trade her magic for her mother’s life. But the goddesses only talk to people with royal blood or pure hearts. When a knight named Finn who is distantly related to royalty knocks on her door, Reyna thinks she’s found a solution. The only problem is Finn wants to kill her childhood hero—Lennox Levane, a witch who is trying to overthrow the king—and he’ll only help Reyna if she helps him.

Reyna soon finds herself on a dangerous journey that forces her to face the dark undertones of her relationship with her mother. Her travels with Finn soon bring her into the path of another knight, the arrogant Thomas. As she encounters friend and foe and learns more about the mysterious Lennox Levane and her cause, Reyna will be forced to question whose side she wants to be on: the side of Lennox Levane, or the knights that she is beginning to care about.

We begin with a map. I love this feature in a fantasy novel, can’t stand them in crime fiction. I particularly dislike floorplans of the stately home where the murder was committed. But I digress. I’m not sure a map was necessary for Lennox Levane as the journey doesn’t seem particularly epic, although this is book one of a trilogy, so maybe the quest will become more confusing as time goes on.

I felt immediate sympathy for our heroine, a young witch named Reyna. I couldn’t quite fathom why she’d want to raise her horrible mother from the dead, and this does become a mystery throughout the novel. Her reasons by the end do make a fair amount of sense, but it’s worth noting that there is a trigger warning in place for abusive parenting.

As for the titular Lennox Levane, her mythology is nicely worked in. She’s (in the context of the novel) a real person, but the way people idolise or fear makes her into an almost godly figure. I found myself eager to meet her and sort the man from the myth, so to speak.

And then we come to the knights, cinnamon roll Finn and arrogant Thomas. Sigh. Finn spent most of the novel being almost unbearably stupid. Which is a shame, as he’s also the love interest. He’s just so nice, it wasn’t very sexy. Thomas had a few more layers to him, with some good twists in his backstory. But these two are definitely the weakest part of the book.

At this point, I realised I wasn’t reading a cosy fantasy. There’s serious peril for both Reyna and the knights, and some very dark deeds are hinted at. Seeing how witches are treated is historically accurate to the real world, but was heartbreaking to read. By coincidence, I’ve been doing some work on the Newcastle Witch Trials so reading about similar things in a fantasy world was very upsetting. The stakes are upped further by how much witches are hated. As Reyna’s magic inevitably develops, she starts to be in real danger. This makes the book exciting, but can be a hard read.

The novel really finds its footing towards the end, and sets up the trilogy well. I definitely want to read the second book as I feel Jones’s writing became more confident as the novel progressed. There’s a big twist at the end of Lennox Levane, which I guessed approximately two paragraphs before the reveal. Not to brag, but I’m quite good at guessing twists, so Jones gets points from me for skillfully hiding the truth. This bodes well for book two. I’m giving Lennox Levane 3.5 stars out of 5.

Click here to purchase a copy

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Short, but no less thrilling: Reviewing The Regular, by M.E. Tilburn
A mug of coffee with whipped cream and red syrup that looks like blood

I suspect this review will be shorter, because this time I’m reviewing a novella. As usual, this book was provided as a free ARC by the author, with no obligation to give a good review. But I’m giving one anyway.

Here is the blurb:

Three Boxing Days. Three dead girls.

And the killer’s already in the queue.

DCI Fiona Weston has spent three Christmases failing to catch the man Hartington Heath calls the Christmas Killer.

No team, no working CCTV, no leads—just table four at The Grind, a pumpkin spice latte she didn’t order, and Emily, the barista who remembers everyone’s usual.

You’ll meet him in chapter six. He’s the quiet one by the window, cutting his cake into neat little cubes, tipping generously, and deciding who he wants for Christmas this year.

She’s been hunting him for three years. He’s been sitting at the next table.

A dark, funny, small-town Christmas crime novella. For readers who like their festive reads with a seasonal latte—and a body count.

Having read the blurb as I copied and pasted it into this review, I realise that I didn’t read it just before reading the book. So I didn’t know that the author admits you meet the killer early on. When I got to this scene, I had concerns. Revealing the killer early is always a risk. Either this was going to be a game of cat and mouse, or it was going to be a damp squib. Thankfully, The Regular is the former.

I assumed the title referred to the regularity of the killings (every Christmas) but then realised it also refers to the regulars at the cafe. There was a brief moment when I wondered if Fiona, a regular at the cafe, would turn out to be the killer. The multiple POV also had me concerned Emily would be the next victim, but you’ll have to read The Regular to find out if I was right about that.

The novella goes straight into the plot and introduces the main characters and a decent supporting cast. Less words to tell the story sometimes means characters aren’t fleshed out, but I didn’t feel this was the case here. The Regular is definitely not a cosy crime, but there are some good flashes of humour to break up the grit. Possibly due to the word count constraints, there isn’t much of a twist at the end. This was a bit of a disappointment, but the book is still a rollicking read. The pace doesn’t let up.

One thing I did not like is Fiona’s obsession with her weight. It felt like I was reading a book published twenty years ago, although diet culture is alive and well today. Tilburn does mention his wife in the acknowledgements so I assume he got her advice on how to write women. He does a good job, but I’m looking forward to reading more books with female characters who are curvy and they like it.

No spoilers on how the plot ends, but the book has a little section from Fiona’s notebook. It’s a lovely way to spend more time with the characters, with little updates on each and some insights into Fiona’s thought processes. I’m giving 4 stars out of 5, it’s nearly Christmas, after all.

Get your copy now

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Visually stunning, despite not having any pictures! Review of The Lantern Beast, by Archer Wilder

As always, this review is of an ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) this time provided on behalf of the author by BookBuzz PR. The Lantern Beast, by Archer Wilder, is a small-town romance with a sci-fi twist. I prefer my romances to be side plots, so I took a bit of risk on this novel. That risk paid off. Lantern is a visually stunning novel for someone who can picture things very clearly in their head. Several times I bemoaned the fact that there weren’t any pictures to accompany the text, and wondered what a film adaptation would look like.

Here’s the blurb:

Some secrets lie beneath the surface. Some rise to find you.

Photographer Jules Everton has spent her adult life in motion — new ports, new faces, connections shallow enough to leave clean. When dreams she can’t ignore pull her to Bracken Ridge, she tells herself it’s temporary. Just a winter. Just her aunt’s porch swing and a town that loves its local legend. But Fortune Lake has been waiting for Jules since she was ten years old.

Corporate lawyer Danny Pencroft has built his entire life around a lie of omission — that he doesn’t believe in the lights on the lake. Until Jules arrives, and suddenly he’s the only one in town who understands exactly what she’s seeing. She’s the first person he has never had to lie to.

Something ancient lives beneath Fortune Lake. A guardian older than the town, older than any record of the lake — and it is dying. Night by night its cries grow more desperate. It kept Danny. It called Jules home. They are the only ones who can hear it, and they are running out of time to listen.

I assumed the identity of the titular Lantern Beast would be kept a secret, with readers having to guess if it was alien or supernatural and so on. Instead, a prologue immediately explains the Beast’s back story, and how it ended up in Fortune Lake. I could tell then that I was in for something a little different. I did have concerns later on that knowing what the Beast was lessened the tension, but Wilder found other ways to keep me on edge!

From the first chapter, you’re pulled into both the story and the romance. I was concerned about switching between the two main characters POVS, but it helped to build trust in them and their motivations. There’s a decent number of supporting characters too, all of whom add to the plot. My favourite is Mack the ferryman. Every small town needs a gruff father figure and Mack fits the bill. I thought he’d also be the local eccentric, but that honour goes to Harbor, the harbour master, who is truly ‘in tune’ with the lake. I’m afraid you’ll have to read the book to find out what I mean by that.

Danny and Jules’s ability to see the lights on the lake gives them an instant bond, although I was surprised that Aunt Lindy hadn’t told Jules about them, because it seemed pretty obvious to me that she could see them too. Danny is confused when the lights show for Jules, thinking he is the only one who can see them. This felt like a little bit of a plot hole. If Danny and Jules are of a similar age, and Jules frequently visited Fortune Lake as a child, how come they never met?

To be fair, this quickly becomes irrelevant as the damage to the Lantern Beast becomes so great that everyone can see the lights. Here the novel slips from sci-fi into a very real metaphor for the dangers of climate change and corporate greed. It’s cleverly done, and I’m sure many people who live in small towns that rely on tourism will relate to the characters’ dilemma on preserving the environment versus being able to afford the groceries. It’s interesting to see the different explanations people come up with for the lights. The reader knows the Lantern Beast is real, but for some characters it’s just a myth to draw in the tourists.

You can’t have a romance novel without the romance going wrong at some point. Of all the plot devices I might have been expecting, one of the pairing being a workaholic wasn’t the one. But it meant you got deep into the character’s motivations which really helped to bring them off the page. Sometimes you read a book and wonder what demons the author has, and this is one of them. I might be totally wrong, but it felt like Archer Wilder has put work before life on a few occasions. Or maybe they’re crazy good at getting into their character’s heads.

Wilder is also good at explaining the science bits without info dumping. There’s a sort of sub plot with scientists near the lake, it becomes increasingly important as the book goes on. This means a lot of physics and engineering explanations, but everything is taken slowly and explained without losing the plot tension. It helps that Jules and Danny only partially understand the science, so they act as the ‘helpless reader’ to get the information out.

Away from the science, this book is the definition of lyrical prose. It is beautifully written and while there is a HEA, the reader has to work for it. Several times I thought everything was going to go very wrong. Another 4 out of 5 stars.

Purchase your copy here.

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Deadly peril and slow burn romance: Reviewing A Thief Among Fae
A Thief Among Fae book cover shows a sword with a skull on top surrounded by red flowers

She’s the key to the cursed tomb that can save his people. He’s the prince who promises her the ultimate treasure—but only if she binds her soul to his own.

Cynthia’s magic is only good for one thing: raiding deadly tombs.

Desperate to buy a better future for her ailing sister, Cynthia enters a soul-binding bargain with a frustratingly handsome fae prince. Her task? Help him break into a king’s cursed tomb for the heist of a lifetime.

But allying with Desmond puts Cynthia in the crosshairs of his blood-soaked past. He’s scorned by his own kingdom, hunted by assassins, and infuriatingly sarcastic. Cynthia despises him—except he sees potential in her magic that she’s never dared to see in herself.

I have left off the end of the author blurb because it contains a big spoiler.

The following review of A Thief Among Fae, by Maddy Calder, is written after an ARC was provided by the author with no expectation of a good review.

That said, Maddy Calder is getting a good review. In fact, I’ve decided that I will only post a negative review of a book if there is something deeply disturbing that I feel I need to warn readers about. So if I read a book and just don’t like it, you won’t see a review.

On to all the things I did like about A Thief Among Fae. First up, Calder writes her trigger warnings in the same style as the novel, which I think is fun. It turns a dry but important document into something everyone should read. I personally think everyone should read trigger warnings anyway.

On to the plot, and we are straight into deadly peril, action and magic. This is not a cosy novel like my last review, in ATAF, actions have serious consequences. These consequences spill over into the rest of the book, influencing Cynthia’s (our heroine) choices. I felt an immediate connection to Cynthia, even though my home life and parental relationships are considerably better.

The romantasy genre has exploded in recent years and I’m a late convert. I appreciated the slow burn drip drip of the romance plot, the gentle teases of potential love triangles, and the fact that sexy scenes (not necessarily sex scenes) didn’t run to multiple pages. I don’t have a moral issue with ultra spicy novels, I’m just not enjoying reading those scenes at the moment.

We’ve dealt with the romance, now on to the violence. As I said, this is a book with high stakes and the violence levels reflect that. There are several battles and details of torture. Nothing is overly dwelt on, but it’s clear our characters have been through some dark times. One thing I liked about the battle scenes was how easy it was to keep track of the characters. Everything is very logical, so even with six or more people, I could keep up. This is something I’ve struggled with in other fantasy books.

The many characters include humans, fae, orcs, goblins and shapeshifters. The culture of each race is explored and each character has a complex set of motivations. I particularly enjoyed how morally ambiguous the characters can be. I also enjoyed the backstory of the war and the way religions are explained. I hope there will be more of the religious story and the way the characters practice their faiths in future books.

We know there will be future books because ATAF is book one of a trilogy. The first novel had a happier ending than I expected. No spoilers, but I thought enough plot threads were tied up for a satisfying finale, while still leaving enough scope for book two.

Order your copy of A Thief Among Fae now.

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A warm hug of a book: Reviewing The Cozy Cauldron Cab Co.

Review: The Cozy Cauldron Cab Co.

The first thing you have to do when reviewing an ARC (advanced reader copy) is confirm that you have been given the book for free, meaning the author has not bribed you for a good review. I promise that is what happened here, but after reading the following review of Nathan C. Ashford’s The Cozy Cauldron Cab Co., I forgive you if you think he slipped me a wad of crisp £20 notes. The novel really is that good. Although that title is quite long, so for the rest of the review I’ve abbreviated it to Cozy Cauldron. I’m also spelling ‘cozy’ the American way when referring to the title, and the English way (cosy) otherwise.

Before we continue, here’s the blurb:

Mitsi Blunderlock graduated from Gloombubble Academy with one problem: she’s a witch who can’t fly. After a disastrous crash left her with a crooked nose and a healthy respect for gravity, Mitsi has resigned herself to keeping her feet firmly on the ground (much to the horror of proper witch and warlock society).

When tea leaves spell out “GO. NOW.” Mitsi leaves the comforts of home for the cozy town of Marivell, with nothing but a magical pumpkin carriage (courtesy of her inventor father) and a desperate need to find her purpose. After accidentally retiring the local postal phoenix and causing chaos with her horseless contraption, Mitsi stumbles upon an idea: why not become the town’s first cab driver?

With the help of a distinguished elder werewolf, two eccentric harpy neighbors, the local opossum baker, and a myriad of other fantastical friends, Mitsi discovers that serving others might be the strongest magic of all.

And now for the glowing review, which does contain mild spoilers about characters you will meet, but hopefully not too much about the plot. Cozy Cauldron is so cosy it could be described as the hot chocolate (or perhaps pumpkin spice latte) of books. There were times when I wondered if it wasn’t a bit too cutesy, Ashford is not an author who kills his darlings. Although that is understandable when you consider how darling they are. At one point the main character, Mitsi Blunderlock, moves into a mushroom. Her landlords are mice. And the Santa Claus figure is a capybara. I was charmed.

We start with proper chapter titles. I love that these are making a comeback, it takes me back to childhood. I think that’s part of what makes cosy fantasies so popular, they do feel like a novel you might have read as a young adult, without all the dystopian derring-do of actual YA novels. Another reason is that there is a strong theme of communities banding together, something which is often lacking in real life. Which isn’t to say that everything goes smoothly in Cozy Cauldron, but this is definitely a low stakes tale.

It’s fashionable to market a book by comparing it to other authors. A few pages into Cozy Cauldron and I made a note ‘we’re in Pratchett territory here’. Yes, I really did mean Sir Terry Pratchett. This is probably the highest praise I could give a fantasy novel. But Ashford’s clever way of introducing modern inventions into his fantasy world are distinctly Pratchett-like, and the instantly loveable cast of eccentric characters hints at many more books to come. The small Christmas subplot suggests a festive tale is in the offing.

The only other current author I’ve compared to Pratchett is Travis Baldree, and I think Baldree’s fans will feel at home here. The large number of animal characters given human traits is an instant reminder of Juneau Black, and while there is no murder in Cozy Cauldron, I’d encourage Black’s readers to give this a whirl too.

Without an evil villain, a complex crime to solve, or even a romance, I wasn’t sure where the plot of Cozy Cauldron was going to go. Without major spoilers, I can tell you that it’s a satisfying meander through life in a small town, with plenty of subplots to keep the pace going. This is truly a 10/10 read.

Purchase the Cozy Cauldron Cab Co. (Amazon store page)

Culture, Lifestyle, Reviews, Samples

Full disclosure, this review will be a bit biased as The Hero Next Door, by Face Front theatre, stars one of my dearest friends, Paul Wild. He plays Harry, a kindly grandfather who has fallen victim to a conwoman posing as a carer. It’s up to his granddaughter and her two new friends, refugee Musa from next door and frog-loving Hayley, to save Harry.

I wasn’t sure what to expect as I haven’t seen any children’s theatre as an adult but I absolutely loved The Hero Next Door. It was as fun and colourful as I think children’s theatre should be, but also surprisingly moving.

The play has some hard-hitting themes, particularly around refugees and the horror they face. This is a difficult subject to get across to children, but the use of sound effects and animation helped. Taj-Levi Matthews was superb in his portrayal of Musa, in the midst of a strong ensemble cast. Of course they all get upstaged by Hayley’s pet, Tadpole, represented by a jar on stage and then animated via a stage projection. I was delighted to ‘meet’ Tadpole after the show but they were quite shy. I was expecting a diva.

The projections and animation were a nice touch that stopped the set from feeling static and added extra depth. The staging itself was so simple and so clever, with very well-choreographed scene changes. I loved the way the house lit up, as did all the kids judging by their gasps at the beginning. Truly magical.

The Hero Next Door does a wonderful job of teaching children that it’s ok to be different, and puts across several timely points on the importance of welcoming refugees. There is a lovely parallel drawn between Harry’s experiences as an evacuee in World War II and Musa’s experience as a refugee from Eritrea. I teared up a bit at these scenes, looking around at the audience to see how the children were faring, I noticed that several needed a cuddle from parents, but they were paying attention.

Paul Wild as Harry centre stage

Sarah-Jane Wingrove as the villainous carer/conwoman clearly had a lot of fun and her bits with the fluffy duster were hilarious, I shall be trying that technique on my Dad when he gets too annoying. It’s a good thing I didn’t accessorise my pink dress with sparkly jewellery though else we’d have been twinning! I did try and steal the duster after the show, but this important prop had been safely tucked away.

Most amusing to me was seeing die-hard Southampton football fan Paul playing a Liverpool supporter, a true testament to his acting ability. Can I request he has to play a Portsmouth fan in the next play? *evil grin*

There’s a little bit of audience participation at the end, which everyone enjoyed. The cast then posed for photos which was the icing on the cake. I attempted to get myself a pair of Hayley’s rainbow socks, but sadly actress Katie Anna McConnell is very attached to them.

The Hero Next Door tour is now finished, but Face Front is keen to take the play around UK schools. Please visit their website for more details.

Lifestyle, Local business

Vicky’s interview with BBC Radio Sheffield

I made my radio debut, along with my lovely Mum, on Monday 17th December 2018. The opportunity was completely unexpected and here is how it happened:

On Friday, the phone rang. It was a private number so I ignored it. Private numbers mean PPI or ‘our records show you have been involved in a car accident’. If it was important, they’d leave a message.

A few minutes later, a message was left. I listened. It was Rav Sanghera, a producer with BBC Radio Sheffield. He had found my blog on David and Donetta (now removed) about moving to Doncaster and thought I would be a good interviewee for the Monday show, which was about people migrating to South Yorkshire. I googled the details, and ascertained that Rav was a real person, with a real job. I rang back.

A book was being published about refugees who had moved to Sheffield. The radio station wanted to interview other people who had moved nearby, for less harrowing reasons. I had a chat with Rav about how great Doncaster was to live in, and mentioned that my parents moved with me. For those that don’t know, I have Crohn’s Disease and my parents take care of me when I have a relapse.

Rav was interested as to how they had found the move, especially as we are all from down south originally (although we had already moved to York, before Doncaster). I mentioned that my Mum had emigrated to Canada in her twenties, so Doncaster wasn’t such a big leap of faith. We agreed that Mum would be a great interviewee too, so we were both booked on the show.

Carrie Prior, AKA Mum, on the left. We didn’t deliberately match outfits.

I spent the weekend being utterly terrified. For about 4 years I have had really bad social anxiety. I used to absolutely love going to events and meeting new people, and now it fills me with dread. I was so glad that Mum was going with me, else I might have chickened out.

We made it to the studio and everyone was so friendly and welcoming. Rav and the presenter, Rony, are total sweethearts and made us both feel at home. It was just like having a chat in your living room. I managed to rep several awesome Doncaster businesses and not make a total prat out of myself during the section on dialect.

Hearing Mum’s story was really interesting. Even though I knew most of it, it turns out that she was in Canada for 9 years, which was double how long I thought she had spent there. I also didn’t realise that she and her husband (her first one, not my Dad) were totally on their own once they got there, and only had £100 in their pocket. Even in the 1960s, that wasn’t a lot of money! I definitely want to explore Mum’s experiences in greater detail, let me know in the comments below if you would like to know more as well.

You can listen to our interview from 1:09 at the following link (until approximately 16/01/2019):

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06s002p

Culture, Lifestyle, Reviews

Tease me please, Dita: Reviewing Art of the Teese at the London Palladium

Opulence, glamour, and sheer wish fulfilment are the ingredients that create Art of the Teese. Dita Von Teese’s burlesque show came to the London Palladium this year and  I was lucky enough to see it on Monday, 12 November. For me, this show has been over a decade in the making. I first discovered Dita Von Teese while I was at my undergrad university, having a horrible time. Immersing myself in Dita’s Swarovski coated fantasy world was a kind of therapy. Years later, this therapy had its final, glorious session and we can pronounce this patient cured of at least some of her sadness.

Dita performs four acts, each one more sparkling than the last. Her instagram has some wonderful closeups of her costumes, but seeing them in the flesh, so to speak, is on another level. Thousands of crystals adorn every bit of the fabric, and at one point I wondered if electric lights had been sewn in as well, because I have never seen such fire and shimmer.

My attempt at sparkle for the evening.

On the subject of flesh, yes, there is quite a bit on display, this is a strip show after all. But nipples and genitals are hidden away under even more sparkles, and the way parts of the body aren’t displayed is just as clever as the way parts are. Special mention here to the only solo male stripper (let’s not leave out the VonTourage), Jett Adore, whose Zorro inspired routine managed to be both hilarious and truly teasing. I’m not one for seeing penises waving about on stage, so I was a bit concerned during this act, but everything is kept, if not quite PG, then certainly not something that would give Granny a heart attack.

In fact, crudity is largely absent in Dita’s show. All the performers have signed some sort of glamour pledge, meaning the show celebrates the beauty of the female form. Yes, compère Jonny McGovern does encourage you to ogle, but also to remember how strong and confident these women are. McGovern serves as the leader of a feminist pep rally, managing to boost all the women in the audience without alienating the men.

 

Onto the acts themselves, and I’m sorry there aren’t photos but Dita strictly forbids them. Again, check out her instagram to get an idea of what to expect. What I can tell you is that none of the acts disappoint. Ginger Valentine had the hard task of following Dita, the audience was slow to respond but soon warmed up to her incredible splits, while balanced on a metal heart. I quickly realised I am not flexible enough to take up burlesque.

At least I can look the part…

For the others, Zelia Rose brings Josephine Baker to life, while Gia Genevieve had a working bathtub/shower combo on stage with her. If I’m honest, the Diana Dors-esque beauty was a little upstaged by her set. But everyone is momentarily forgotten when Dirty Martini arrives on stage. I love Dirty Martini, every inch of her, and that’s a fair amount of inches to love. I’m not being cruel, Dirty lives for her plus-size power. Her strip was as exquisite as I’d been expecting, but her nipple tassel prowess was next level. Dirty takes part in a series of faster and wilder challenges and honestly, I had a word with my boobs after the show for being lazy. Tassel twirling can only be described as acrobatic and I think the Olympics is missing out not having it as a sport.

Back to Dita, and having seen her perform while lip-synching, then while on-pointe in a ballet, then while riding a mechanical bull, I think we can safely say that she deserves her crown as Queen of Burlesque. The control in her body and her timing is something else. Every movement adds to the story, even tiny hand gestures. And everything is glamorous and sexy, not sleazy. Dita Von Teese was well worth waiting over ten years for, and there is no one who embodies the Art of the Teese quite like she does.

Lifestyle

Lifestyle blog: Prior Portfolio finds its sparkle
Picture of Vicky Prior

Hello! My name is Vicky Prior, and this is my writing portfolio. It’s also a way to find out more about me It gives me an opportunity to highlight things I care about and fun stuff I do.

But….I haven’t really been doing this. In fact, I got so obsessed with working out what I should write, for an audience of potential clients I know nothing about, that I forgot:

This is supposed to be fun!

So, I’m turning the blog side of Prior Portfolio into a lifestyle blog. Now I’m not saying that I’m the most interesting person, or that I lead the most exciting life, but I do get up to some pretty cool stuff, so hopefully you will all enjoy reading about it.

There’s going to be a lot more food (yes, I promise to go to Dreambakes a lot) and a crazy amount of sewing and knitting, but I’ll also try and get my bum out of the house and show you some of the amazing places in Doncaster and the surrounding area. I expect my adorable parents will pop up too.

I hope you enjoy the new content. Let me know what you want to see more of in the comments below, or get in touch via social media.

Vicky xx